For Mi Cielo

You struck a chord with me tonight. Like your words hit just the right note and found just the right harmony. It resonated in my memories.

Hiding behind closed doors because the threat outside is much worse than any closet monster. Trying not to cry because the voice on the other side is the same one that used to lull me to sleep. Only now it’s a growl, no longer distinguishable as a lullaby.

What is wrong? What is right? Why does this voice keep me up at night? What is fake? What is real? What will allow my wounds to heal? More than static to feel? My layers to peel?

The room is empty now- the storm has passed. But my mind is still spinning, still screaming.

“Bury your demons, bury your dreams, bury yourself, bury everything.”

Under six feet of myself I hide, my own graveyard.

Reality’s ordinances defied, like a dragon in a dungeon I guard

My gold and my treasure- mystery beyond measure.

But the only mystery is me. My defeat.

How I let my past keep me off my feet.

The silent sound of loneliness follows me to bed

like the anthem of a misunderstood soul.

Like a foe disguised as a friend.

But filling a glass heart with lead won’t make me whole.

Every broken glass shrieks violently

My past is reflected in every broken piece of me.

You were the first to seep through the cracks in my heart. You were the only one to help turn my scattered scraps of sound into a symphony.

“Take your time,” you said. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Permissible apathy won’t stop the bleeding.

Ignoring gaping wounds won’t promote healing.

Enabling an addict to one more hit, one more swig…

one less word.

One less confession.

One more buried past and a princess trying desperately to sleep on something far larger than a pea.

I wanted to speak, I wanted to share.

I wanted you to see, I wanted you to care.

And you did.

I was in need of a friend.

There’s no need to pretend.

Whether to follow or to defend,

You are a good thing that doesn’t have to end.

The memories are still there they just don’t bother me like they used to.

Everything is a metaphor.

Coalescence is what harmonies are for.

Peering through my mended shards I see you next to me.

I am not alone, my heart soars- I am free.

“C’est la finis de la guerre.”

For you, my Dear, I thank the Lord.

Now I sleep soundly.

Our symphony ends and begins with the same chord.

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Ode to Clean Currency

I’m half of who I wanted to be

The other half just doesn’t care

Sinking, trying to swim with one limb

Quickly, I run out of air

Floating viscous in my life’s pollution

The ghost train without its conductor

Drowned and derailed restitution

Two faced, half hearted, destiny’s rupture

A penny glimmers half buried in the sand

Next to the debris of vacant dreams

Half my surrender piles up on the land

The rest surrenders to the current downstream

Sudden tumult dislodges the coin

End over end it decides my fate

Chance befalls me, the passive option

Stay and float or capitulate?

No choice is a choice in itself

The penny tumbles over the cliff edge

Forcing me to save myself

But “I can’t” is the only thought in my head

Alliteration is the only time a downpour should dismal,

‘Cause that’s what sent me rushing over wind and waves torrential

Down the mountainside into the purest sparkling stream

Like a freshly washed penny, from now until forever I’ll gleam

“Nocturne”

Any Eden Project fans out there? This one’s for you.

Nocturne
by The Eden Project

If you fall, I’ll catch you

So I’ve been thinking ’bout something
Lately I’ve been alive
Cause I found my reason in nothing
So I won’t close my eyes
Cause I don’t want to miss one second
And I don’t want to feel so cold
And I don’t want to be so sad that we are who we are
Cause we had no control

But only by the night
Will we ever make headlines
Will we ever make things right
When we’ve only ourselves to blame
When we’ve only ourselves to blame

So I won’t sleep
No more
No I won’t sleep
No more
I won’t sleep
I always thought that there’d be more than just wishing
No more
My life away
No DMT will stop me
Like I could always
Figure it out and never have to abandon what’s in-front of me
Dream

No more

So get this doubt out of my head
It’s only real if you let it
And I’ve been letting go of my ghosts
I’ll never let them catch me no more
But these words are all I have
So I’ll just keep dreaming out loud
And if I just keep talking
Maybe I’ll figure all this out

But only by the night
Will we ever make headlines
Will we ever make things right
When we’ve only ourselves to blame
When we’ve only ourselves to blame

So I won’t sleep
No more
No I won’t sleep
No more
No I won’t sleep
I always thought that there’d be more than just wishing
No more
My life away
No DMT will stop me
Like I could always
Figure it out and never have to abandon what’s in-front of me
Dream

No more

Tomorrow

What is tomorrow to a man with no soul?

A river drying out in the sun

A long abandoned storefront where bankruptcy is sold

What is tomorrow to a child on Christmas Eve?

A promise of treasures untold

As the majesty of the day unfolds

Hurry up and wait

Slowly accelerate

Time is a hamster on a wheel

A viscosity you can feel

Round and round it goes

When it stops, no one knows

Perception sees the truth in lies

Whether time’s frozen or it flies

Indelibly fires dim and must be lit again

Broken hearts unwind and must be wound again

Lives are lost and must be found again

What is tomorrow?

A chance to be new again.

Redeemed.

Lethargic in a nest of silent suffering

I long to curl into myself and disappear

But the demons in my mind

Creep closer, draw nearer

Exiled inside my existence I am suspended

Immobilized above demise below prosperity

A blurry reflection of myself in a mirror

My fragmented, imagined version of clarity

Slithering snake versus lionhearted lamb

Behind my eyes two forces strife

Cruel adversary versus dulcet liberator

The seed of evil versus the bread of life

Sin’s wages paid and darkness beaten

False security overcome; I’m redeemed

Sight to the spiritually blind is restored

Don’t be afraid, just believe.

Victorious, my savior lifts every burden and blur

Despite the weight of daily deception

Battles are momentary; Salvation is eternal

Don’t bury his sacrifice under perception

Creeping closer, drawing nearer to my heart

is the realization that I’m loved despite my flaws

Answer him when he knocks on your door

Do not ignore him when he calls

He says, “lay you life at my feet

My yoke is easy and my burdens light

Pick up your cross and follow me.”

Accept and receive spiritual sight.

“Yes”

Yes
by Coldplay

When it started we had high hopes
Now my back’s on the line
My back’s on the ropes
When it started we were alright
But night makes a fool of us in the daylight

Yeah we were dying of frustration
Saying “Lord lead me not into temptation”
But it’s not easy when she turns you on
Sin stay gone

If you’d only, if you’d only say yes
Whether you will’s anybody’s guess
God only, God knows I’m trying my best
But I’m just so tired of this loneliness

So, up they picked me by the big toe
I was held from the rooftop, then they let go
Dizzily screaming
Let the windows down
As I crumble to the ground

If you’d only, if you’d only say yes
Whether you will’s anybody’s guess
God only, God knows she won’t let me rest
But I’m just so tired of this loneliness

I have become so tired of this loneliness

A Flying Waltz

The ascent is slow.

The sun radiates from our cheeks and our hearts
The Lord doth not will us to be apart
Knots are tied between shared time and space
You and I are something that could never be replaced

Paradoxically frozen and warm and complete
We are free to waltz to the Lord's perfect beat
One, and two three we are dancing together
Reflecting our father in heaven forever

The descent is instant.

A kiss couldn't even begin to describe
the moment the freckles on our noses align
All good things have come from above
I think we're gonna get along just fine, my love

Dear Atlas,

Keep me close; never let me go

The more you leave the less I know

If you’re here to stay; phantom or a dream

Are you my fabrication; are you all that you seem?

I need your air close to my lips

to remind me oxygen’s at my fingertips

or else I might forget to inhale

and let your intrinsic breath grow stale

You need it as much as I

How selfish of me to steal and pry

You traded your love in return for the world

I guess that’s what happens when you fall for a girl

Please don’t believe you must hold up the sky

Just holding my hand makes me feel I could fly.

a sonnet for my savior

if  you're  good  at  something  never  do  it  for  free
death   was    the    price   he   paid   to   save    me
and  for  what?  so  i  could flounder around  aimlessly?
prison   door   stands   open   but  i  ignore  the   key
the  punishment  is  just- i  don't  deserve   liberation
the   same   is  true  of   every   tongue   and   nation
every   mistake  a   product   of   a   doomed   creation
we  did  this  to  ourselves; there's   no  justification
Jesus broke  our chains  yet we  choose to live  deceived
a vicious cycle of lies broken the moment we're  redeemed
believe  he  died  for you;  you don't  have to be  alone
all of this is possible because  God sits on  the  throne
live your life sanctified, don't let his death be in vain
and be thankful that you weren't the Lamb that was  slain

a dance with the great I Am

a gentleman implores, "may I have this dance?"
into his eyes i assent entranced
swept off my feet ensnared by a glance

he spins me round and round
whispers in my ear, "don't look down"
we ascend farther and farther from the ground

his eyes are the windows to his soul
all of creation an encapsuled mold
of every tale both new and old

the universe is his perfect design
every sound and color a product of his mind
praise and adoration are mine

he dips me low and raises me high
the earth gets smaller as we climb
higher and higher into new life

bowing before my bridegroom king
i devote my abundant life to raising
a love divine, not one comparing